There was a famous line in a movie, “A Few Good Men”, that bellowed, “You can’t handle the truth!”We all have our own ways of interpreting what that line would mean to us, personally. To many people, using denial and living in denial is how they cope , so if you get too close to the truth with them, it makes them feel unsafe, and they shut down. Most victims of domestic violence , while they struggle in the state of entrapment , cope in denial. The truth is stark and glaring, yet they feel trapped in this cycle of pain and deep wounds develop almost daily. The only logic one may grope for is- “this is not really happening to me. I do not know how to get out of this, I should not be living like this”, but the relational cycle of addiction continues. They pray that sometime in the future , something will have to happen along the way that will make this stop! The same is true for victims of sexual abuse. “Something will have to happen along the way to make this stop!” The sudden shock, however, is that when you have finally come to the strength to reveal the truth about what has happened to you, your truth is not easily accepted , no matter what the circle of onlookers may explain it away as.  The truth, emerging out of the recesses of pain and hiding; the truth is what sets us free!! Years went by , and the secrets were never disclosed, the truth did not make you feel safe. Once you gain enough strength to bring things out into the open, be aware that there are those who can not handle the truth, who may place shame , dehumanize you and call you a liar for finally bringing these memories to the surface. Stepping out of denial puts some people in a place, where now; they are not the only people who end up in denial. It’s a crying shame when this type of reaction happens, because it does not convey value, acceptance, courage and strength to those who definitely need it the most. It leaves the survivor’s thinking”You can’t handle the truth!”

Fear can hinder our ability to move forward with our lives .  People go through dry spells in their lives and during these times of uncertainty and licking our wounds- we may fall prey to people who speak negativity into our lives. We are looking to do the right thing , make the right decisions and we have all kinds of people waiting in the wings who seem to know what you should be doing. It is important to step back and remember the goals that we are aiming for and furthermore we should set boundaries around our thought process, to keep our thought focus on those things that will move us forward with our goals. One naysayer may keep you waiting at the gate of your success if you buy what they are speaking into your life. Always check in with yourself, is what I am doing bringing me closer to my goal or is it bringing me farther away?  Most importantly, say no to fear and yes to successful living, we do not have to be afraid to move forward with our lives, rather embrace change and the transition will be more exciting.

I love to feed ducks the little kernels of corn and watch closely as I begin to see the best and the worst come out from the flock of ducks. Some seem humble and try , and fail- to scramble to the morsel before the others. Some are of the winner takes all attitude. And then there those who actually share with the others, these come few and far between. What becomes of the corn? Does anybody really care? For that moment of chance in time- it has become food for the duck. Maybe some kernels that have been left untouched on the earth by the flock will sprout into a plant if the best conditions are beheld for that to happen. It has been known to happen. Does the kernel struggle to know what it may become and toil itself to develop into what the fate of its future may be? Not at all , it’s a kernel of corn, in the hands of man. If conditions for the corn -water, light , and a place to grow exist- it will become a plant with many more kernels produced at harvest time. We tend to worry and wait, and strive so hard sometimes to develop into what we try to be. Myself , sometimes it seems like all I ever do is wait for something to happen, something to develop. We can provide all the conditions in the world for some things, but we are not in control of anything , really . When we choose to let go and allow what was meant to happen-to happen- with a little more peace like the kernel of corn, we cut short all that anticipation.

What the world tells you about yourself does not create a true view of who you really are. People are unpredictable, thrown by the wind, up and down by emotion and imperfect in every way. Thank God we do not gain our value , our worth and our integrity based on what people may think of us. People may try to mold you, manipulate you , control you , or on the other hand- affirm you, build you up, empower you or support you. Love seeks to give unconditionally, and support despite the odds.

Perceptions are sensory awareness that may be real or may be tainted by the conditions that people and life experiences may impose.  Good boundaries help us to set a safety zone around ourselves to keep the bad things out and to accept those good things in life that are OK to receive. Sometimes these distorted perceptions are responsible for an inability to set healthy boundaries against bad people, places, and things. Choose to accept what will affirm you, empower you and support you in your life goals. It’s never too late to stand up against those things that want to belittle, defame or tear you down.

There are those days when it just seems like there is a monkey on your back. Maybe there is no real reason why or maybe life has tossed you some rejection, pain, aggravation that sent that monkey feeling to you!!!! Whatever the situation, it is our only hope to search within our spirits and find the quiet , find the peace, life flies by so quickly and we make ourselves anxious about many things that will never , ever- really matter to us.

A field made golden by the afternoon sun spins a glow of light that brings peace to whoever happens by. Think of those things, when the monkey tries to jump on your back , think about what brings you peace and capture the quiet.